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How to get Teens Motivation to clean rooms

Lazy teenagers who dont want to work

This page will examine communication skills and psychology for motivating a teenager to clean their room and be tidy. You will understand how your behavior may be making things worse. Learn how to solve your family problems by identifying dysfunctional behavioral patterns and creating healthy psychological boundaries.

  1. Stop telling teen he/she is untidy. Psychological research shows that people always live up to expectations their parents and teachers have of them. If you call someone a messy person, guess what? That person will continue to be messy, and will get worse. After a while that person will start to believe what you are telling him/her on an unconscious level and his/her behavior will reflect that, all because of what you are saying. You are actually indirectly reinforcing the teens messy self image, by making negative comments.
  2. Do not do clothes washing for teen. If you do clothes washing for teen you are encouraging him/her not to be responsible. Give teen as much responsibilities as possible, including washing their own clothes. One day waking up without any clothing will be great incentive for keeping room tidy and organized.
  3. Congratulate teen for being tidy. Find something he/she is tidy for, and then comment on that- something positive. For instance if teen puts a cup away, congratulate him/her. Give teen a round of applause. Always find the positives. Stop looking for the negative.
  4. Do not withhold Love. Some parents try to control their children by withholding Love, whenever children are not behaving the way their parents want them to. This is psychological abuse, and destructive for any child or teenager. It can prevent teens healthy development. It is a major cause of anxiety. Teen having a messy room is a Love test, to see if you respond with Love or ego.
  5. Stop punishing teen. Do not hold any grudges. Do not criticise. Do not punish. Do not argue with your teenager. Do not make teenager feel guilty. Do not fight your teen. Do not confront. You simply have to Love your teenager. Get rid of your ego that might feel threatened or done over by teenager.
  6. Stop commanding on teen. Stop telling people what to do. You can not control people. Why try and control another person? If you can not handle it then why did you have kids in the first place?
  7. Explain the benefits of having a tidy room. Explain what you would like as a preference, how it would affect you in a positive way. If you give Love, respect and understanding then this will be mirrored back to you by teenager.
  8. And finally... Mind your own business. Why do you care anyway if teen has a messy room. How does it affect you at all? Why do you ever have to go into teens room anyway? Stay out! Give teenager independence. Stop interfering with teen. Stop being a big cause of distress and anxiety for teen. Learn to stay within your own boundaries. Do not forget that your teen is an independent person, who has his/her own agenda in life, which might be different to yours. Your teen is not an extension of you. You do not own your teen. Encourage your teen to be independent and responsible so that he/she can enter working life as soon as possible and become a healthy responsible adult. This is contrary to relying on you telling him/her what to do all the time. Or perhaps you do not want you teen to be responsible and independent. Perhaps you would rather have them depend on you so that you can control them.

The goal here is to learn how to live in harmony with all people, starting with your family and friends. This means zero arguing and fighting in your home, but mutual happiness and understanding between all members. There needs to be mutual respect. These techniques apply to any child or teenager who is out of control for whatever reason. Fighting the teenager in any way will only alienate him or her and make matters worse. The best thing to do is learn to Love in all situations.