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Tiffany Hughes wrote...
I decided to get on the internet to find natural remedies for my son's anxiety. We have tried meds for awhile and all they do are make matters worse. I came across your site in an effort to find some natural answers for my son's emotional roller coaster. And, I have to say, I am very disappointed. As a child who suffered childhood trauma, I understand the terrible affects that haunt you throughout your life. But what about parents who have a child who is nervous, by his very make-up? All I saw was that it had to do with the parents. No mention of the many, many children who come from homes with supportive parents, who are seeking the very best for them, who happen to deal with anxiety. I love my children very deeply, and I learned from my past traumas. I do not abuse my children, they can talk to me about anything, and I support them in all they do. But, still, my son has issues with being worried, nervous, agitated, and so on. True, after I clicked on the article about children and depression I closed your site immediately. Maybe you have other information that may be helpful, but for us parents who are seeking a natural alternative to a serious issue, isn't that discouraging? If you are trying to help EVERYONE, than I think you really missed the boat. Please forgive me if you have some other helpful information, I am just going on my first impression.
Thank you for your time.
Hi Tiffany,
Thanks for the feedback
I am sorry that page had a negative effect on you. I shall put a disclaimer on my site for healthy and loving parents- like you.
I do not believe in "blame" or "guilt" at all. I love my parents. They are very sweet people, just like children themselves. They did the very best they knew how and offered all the love that was there, no matter how limited it was. Abuse of any kind may be a form of misguided love, or due to friction caused by MY lack of love toward my parents. They also had negative parents themselves, some were alcoholic and used to come home and beat the rest of the family up and have knife fights. So there is no reason to blame them, and there is no reason to blame or feel guilty for any reason.
Unfortunately, up until now my site is NOT targeted at parents, but only for anxiety and depression sufferers themselves, so that THEY can take the steps needed to overcome anxiety and take responsibility for their lives. That is probably why you did not find what you wanted upon your first impressions of my site.
If people are not aware of the messed up behavior in themselves, their parents or other people then it is impossible to overcome negative behavior such as anxiety and depression. Dysfunctional parents do exist. If I am trying to help people with anxiety, I can not ingore that. I need to address EVERYTHING. To a certain degree we are "ALL" dysfunctional but at different levels. There are only a few people on the planet who have managed to become perfect in Love, and we are ALL on that path.
Please read my other pages, particularly the pages on Diet, Exercise, Saying Yes, Clothing and Teens motivation to clean rooms. If you are interested in a natural alternative, then these are just some ideas that may or may not apply to your son:
If you treat your child like anxiety is in his make up, then he may NEVER get better. Please see my article on "patterns of thinking". You can do this exercise for you and your son. It is really helpful.
I send you and your son my Love and Blessings and touch you with my heart feelings. May Love, bliss and happiness flow in your life and relationships. I can tell that you are going to have a lot of fun with your son.
It is good that you had a reaction to my site. Try and analyse the nagative feelings it produced and work with that. It is all positive. It may mean you are carrying some blocks inside, some negative emotions that need to be felt and then released.
Take care,
Love and Bliss,
James
Tiffany Hughes wrote...
I truly appreciate your response. Part of my negative feelings are from frustration from the "rollercoaster" the medication has caused for my boy. It tears me up inside that he seems tormented and agitated so much of the time, and it definitely strains the relationship between my husband and myself, and him. I am searching for natural, herbal ways to treat him, as I think that nature contains the best cure for everything. I am just trying to find a "valid" path to really help him. I suffered from a traumatic childhood and also have issues with anxiety, although I have been able to work through it with counseling, a strong faith, and the willingness to change pieces of my life that need changing-one part at a time. I know the feelings of helplessness that come with it. And I used to practice yoga and am going to again-it is WONDERFUL! My son is a pitcher and I want to get him started in yoga for that, but I do believe it will help him calm his anxieties as well.
I am sorry if I sounded harsh. I am just a frustrated mother who is looking for alternative, natural ways to help my son learn how to cope with his stress, and turn it into positive energy. Do you think giving him probiotics with help balance his body chemistry as well? I have been looking into that, and I know it is something that parents who have kids with autism use to help their children. Thank you so much for your time, and your kindness, understanding, and patience. I just want peace for my son and my family.
Tiffany
Sometimes anxiety children are just sensitive souls. Make sure you and your husband are both happy too. Whatever friction or disturbance is there, or anything you suppress (even your own anxiety), the sensitive child may feel and express this. Sometimes although parents are loving and healthy they can cause frustration to sensitive children innocently and unknowingly. These minor problems can be solved in love, with some awareness and understanding.
It is important to try and relate to him and understand his suffering- find out what his problems are and what his dreams are in life and also what makes him happy, what makes him tick and mainly what is disturbing him.
Be careful about comparing your son's anxiety with autism. There is nothing worse than him feeling as though there is something seriously wrong with him as a person. The danger is, if he gets better you may still maintain the same view of him that there is something wrong with him. It's important not to impose a negative identity on him. A child's self concept is determined largely by the concept you have of him. So it's important to start seeing him the way he would like to be seen and the way you would like to see him- as a normal, special and healthy person. Then it will change like magic. Emotionally he may be very complex requiring lots of tenderness.
I am sure yoga and correct diet will have positive benefits for you son. It is brilliant for curing anxiety. I would try this first, but there is nothing stopping you from researching other methods of natural healing.
Take care and keep in touch,
Love and Bliss,
James
Tiffany Hughes wrote...
I am completely okay with you using my letter. And I want to let you know that I was not comparing my son's anxiety issues with autism. I am sorry for that mix up on my end. I have been working with children for 14 years, I know several children with varying degrees of autism, and I am currently pursuing a degree in Early Childhood Education. Eventually I want to get my masters in counseling and counsel children. So I would never knowingly put a label like that on my son-or any child. But I do like what you had to say about sensitive children. My boy is very sensitive, which I truly love. He is nurturing and kind. But I do know he is also stimulated by his environment. Or can be over-stimulated. He has sensory issues, mostly tactile. But nothing that has ever got in the way of him enjoying his life. We really just try to respect his needs.
As far as him picking up on "friction", there isn't any long term friction between myself and my husband, just arguments here and there. Nothing too explosive. If we need to "explode" we try really hard not to do it around the children, although I do struggle with that sometimes. I have gotten better. But I know I still have some internal mending to do, and sometimes I go through periods of being more easily agitated. I am planning on pursuing counseling with my son, partly to show him it's perfectly normal to need to talk to someone, but also for my own well being.
Thank you for your time and honesty.
Tiffany
Hi Tiffany, it's been great talking to you. Good luck and I am sure things will all work out just fine,
Take care,
James
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